Ethereal Music

Over the last few years I have been experimenting with ecstatic trance through pain. Specifically things within the BDSM community such as floggers, canes, and needles. This is one of those experiences.

I haven’t written this post till now to allow myself time to process and figure out if I was actually going to post this or not. However I decided it is important to tell of these experiences so they are not as scary to others who may wish to try it at some point.

Please do be advised though; it does take training to be able to put the needles into the skin. It takes training to ensure they will not get infected. Proper precautions must be taken any time you break the skin. I personally have the training however I have not perfected how deep to go in the skin yet. I still need to get better before doing other people.


A friend of mine came over Tuesday night. She originally was going to take it a bit easier on me since this was the first time she had dealt with me. However, we went with the flow. She got my back all cleaned with alcohol to ensure it was sterile and did her gloves as well.

The first four needles went in. I started to float a little, not too too much. I believe this is from me being so used to needles from getting nerve blocks every week. She asked if she could continue, I said yes.

Four more went in. She figured this was the point that I would start backing out, not realizing I was floating and enjoying the floating. I told her to keep going.

Four more, we’re now at 12. She wasn’t expecting me to take so many this first time. I start to drop into mild trance though I’m still able to talk to her to have her keep going. Hoping to get to a point that I actually drop.

2 more go in. The music starts. There was no music that had been playing in the house, but a familiar song starts up. White Wedding. My trance guide singing his heart out playing his guitar and I can hear him loud and clear. I’m still in this world enough to talk to Vesta though so she decided on 2 more.

The last 2 go in. The music is playing at full volume. I’m a happy little clam. We leave them in for a while. I’m too floaty to tell Vesta that the music is playing and I’d rather it not stop.

As she starts to take them out the music fades out and I come back. Still on an endorphin rush as if I had gotten my shots. She makes sure I’m good, she knows that if something happens I do have people home and so she leaves to go make her lunch and such for the next day at work.


Fast forward to today. I still have minor bruising from the needles, it’s in a pretty star-burst shape. I had to explain the whole process to my pain specialist. He thought it was neat and totally didn’t care. Love my Drs.

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A Sonnet to the Nature Spirits

Fur and feather and scale and skin and bone,
Those spirit folk within the unseen ether.
Tree and leaf and flower and blade and stone.
Those spirits we do not know all their features.

The spirits of nature are all around us,
Scurrying, flying, growing, surviving.
Noticing them can reduce our stresses,
You, take notice of where they are living.

Above, below and in between they live,
In cities and towns and the wooded spots,
These little furry creatures will forgive,
When their lives are not ever in our thoughts

You are in otherworlds we look into,
The Spirits of Nature we welcome you!

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A Sonnet to the Ancestors

Fore-mothers, fore-fathers kin of all time,
Ancient and mighty, spirits of our tribe.
blood kin and spirit kin and kin of all kinds,
Those of our past who wish to be our guides.

Our lives you’ve influenced with love and care,
Bended and shaped through generations passed.
And now I have written this simple prayer,
And I hope your memory will outlast.

You have all lived your lives in times gone by,
And cared for the many who have gone before,
Even if not always seeing eye to eye,
Hopefully you’re not fighting anymore.

You are in otherworlds we look into,
Ancestors, spirit kin, we welcome you!

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The Coming of Lugh

On a day of days,
a great feast was had,
Nuada back in the throne,
A young boy approached,
The gate to the land
and bade they let him enter.

The guards they said,
Who are you,
to have such sway o’er us…

A member of the Tuatha,
and of the Fomore,
Foster son of the great Tailtiu.
My name, is that of Lugh.

Without a skill you may not enter,
Nuada’s rules and all,
so what say you,
young boy named Lugh
What is your craft and call?

Question me, I am that of many
A carpenter, smith and champion,
A harper, A poet, A teller of tales,
A physician, magician, and cup-bearer.

We have all these,
within these walls,
you cannot be helpful here.

Yes says Lugh,
but are they all,
within one strapping lad?
So the guard he went,
To Nuada’s court
to find audience with him there,
to tell of a man,
the all skilled man,
standing outside his great court.

Nuada said he may be challenged,
with some rousing rounds of chess,
to prove his worth as Idánach,
to let him enter here.

Each one Lugh faced,
Each one Lugh won,
For he is the every skilled.

The guard went back,
To Nuada’s court,
and told him of the news,
of the victories of Lugh,
that the lad endured,
and not a single loss.

Shocked and dismayed Nuada was,
to hear of this great news,
Let him in! Let him in!
Cried the king of the court,
There’s been no one like him before!

The guards welcomed Lugh,
and lead him straight to,
The seat that was filled with knowledge.

Oghma the champion,
set out his own challenge,
for the lad of every skill.
He threw a great flagstone
fit for eighty yolks of oxen
Right through the wall of Nuada’s home.

Lugh responded,
and back went the stone,
through the wall to the center of the room.

O’er the night,
Lugh serenaded,
told stories and had them in stitches.
At the end of the night,
he put them to sleep,
with that of one soft tune.

When all this was seen,
by the king of the court,
he thought about what he could do.
To free his people of tyranny and taxes,
that they did endure,
From the other half of the great boy named Lugh.

He then had a thought,
a glorious thought….
What if Lugh were king?

And so Nuada moved,
for 13 nights,
and days 13 too,
so Lugh would have some clout.

And that is the story,
of the coming of Lugh to Nuada’s court,
and how he became the king of the Tuatha de dannan.

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Living in a dream, and finally waking up.

“If you were food, you would be corn. I don’t know why, I just sense corn in you.” ― Lizbeth Mori

For many years, I have had many things that have been not quite right, always keeping me away. Away from the outdoors, away from the people, away from sound and light.

For many years, I also ate many pre-packaged foods, used commercial care products such as toothpaste. Many commercial products that contained corn. Many which no one would ever suspect having corn in them because the ingredient is not necessarily labeled as corn. There are 175+ ingredients that many would not think of immediately as corn that are in fact created from corn. No wonder the isometric hair study in King Corn showed us to be mostly made of corn, that’s all our diet is.

Although I recognize that many peoples all over the world have survived by having corn within their diet. Grains which stored well and easily cooked in the winter months. I won’t be continuing to ingest much, if any, if I can help it.

Although I will continue to celebrate the start of the grain harvest at Lughnasadh, I will personally be looking for other things about the season. Squashes? The end of another harvest that I enjoy? I am not sure at this time however I will figure it out before this coming Lughnasadh.

This will impact when I eat at pot-lucks, or eating out at restaurants (more than eating as close to primally as I was) but to feel better, to not hurt, to not have the mouth ache, I’ll do it.

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Creating Routine: Why not to feel bad if it takes longer than 21 days

We’ve all seen them “Change your life in 21 days” “28 day weight loss challenge” “30 day fitness challenge”. These three are the most common lengths of time that you will see within the confines of the internet as well as bookstore shelves. There is a reason for this.

In the 1950’s Dr Maltz noticed a trend among their plastic surgery patients; it took at least 21 days for them to feel normal looking at their new reflection. Dr Maltz also noticed that those who had had limbs removed were feeling a phantom limb reported doing so for at least 21 days. But here is where it gets tricky. Dr Maltz said at least.

This whole change yourself in 21, 28, 30 day craze started because after Dr Maltz published their findings in the 1960’s every self help guru got a hold of the paper and dropped the at least. People being able to change their whole lives in 21 days sounded more appealing and more promising than at least 21 days.

Lets fast forward as to why I’m writing this.

Back in January I did Mark Sisson’s 21 day primal blueprint challenge. Certain topics were really simple such as removing the legumes and grains from my diet. The part that wasn’t so simple, the exercise. I had it bashed into my head by my Dr at a younger age “if it hurts to move, stop that.” With my everything too much movement sets me into a major flare of pain and I can’t move for a while. Even to the point of having to borrow mum’s walker to get to the bathroom, so I have to be damn careful. However, I tried to keep up with the movement of the challenge as best I could. Feb 1 rolled around and I gave up the movement. The amount in the program was too much and I was exhausted, feeling like I was only doing the movement so I could get the points from the app. My entire adult life I did have “if it hurts stop that” told to me though when I’d go out and have fun with friends or go for a walk however so I haven’t been very active. Every day was just too much.

Every week though doesn’t work with me, I don’t feel time pass and therefore don’t know when it’s been a week. Every other day tends to not work either. I haven’t felt time pass in years so I never remember if an event was yesterday or a week ago. I am also the biggest procrastinator in the world and will say “Oh I’ll do it tomorrow.” Even sometimes with my devotional schedule I do this.

Back to the info at the top.

According to an article published by Huffington post that original number of 21 days can be much more like 66 for the average person to form a habit. No wonder a lot of people fail their weight loss goals if everyone is thinking that lasting change can be made in 21! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/james-clear/forming-new-habits_b_5104807.html here is the article if you’d like to read it.

This doesn’t just affect weight loss goals though. It can affect meditation goals, devotional routine, remembering to eat 3 meals a day, brushing your teeth. EVERYTHING.

So don’t beat yourself up next time you’re failing at getting into a regular routine of doing something. We all have our hangups with regards to getting into routines. Some of us take longer than others and that is OK!

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Visions through pain

I have a tendency to like to experiment with different ways of entering trance. Many of my experimental ways have been through pain from kink related activities. Each time something else comes through and each time I am drained a little less the days following. I am one that likes to try different modalities to reaching trance states, many which wouldn’t be tried by the regular individual but that I find highly interesting.

When I first started experimenting with different trance modalities I started with the basics of drumming and auditory confusion. Each gave a different type of trance state, each with its own rewards and drawbacks.

I found for me because I have such a flighty attention span that I need the drumming to be going rather fast instead of the typical beat for sonic driving. Auditory confusion fixed this slightly but it took a very long time for me to get used to not trying to focus on one ear. Each one has given a sense of floating down a river though.

Inflicted pain however, drives my mind down. It quietens the flighty and gives something to focus on other than the pain I am in on a regular basis. The days after can be definitely not fun as my body recovers but I find that I drop harder and faster from this type than auditory ways. Many of the typical things that are used within the kink scene have been used on me while doing these investigations. From floggers, to crops, to paddles, to canes. Even ranging to fire cupping. Each one has its ups and downs for this type of usage.

Floggers drop me the fastest, as long as they are a deep heavy flogger. They quieten the mind and allow my boundaries to fall. The energy level of the top (the person inflicting the pain) also has to be of a certain compatibility with mine or I do not relax properly for the state to induce. Crops and canes are a much stingier pain type and make me come up out of the body vs going down into the earth, which intrigues me. I haven’t had much chance to work with this one as much but I have the option to. Paddles are a great one for bringing me back up out of the trance if the top needs my input as my body isn’t as much of a fan of them. Fire cupping however, this is also another one where it’s a relaxation of down into the earth. I almost feel as if I become one with the ground and do not want to move an inch.

The types that drive me down tend to end in more visual appearances while the top end sting gives me more auditory. It will be interesting to see what other top end pain items do with regards to these endeavors.

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